Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
