I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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