Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
