I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
how drunk are you?
Several
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
