well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
