I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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