How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
