The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
