My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
