paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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