Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
