True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
