An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
