i need an iv and a liver transplant
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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