what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
