somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
