You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
