my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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