im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
