he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
