Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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