got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Last time i carry you out of a forest
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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