how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
