I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
