I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
