I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
