my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Houston, we have a blender
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize