i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
