Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
