In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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