i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I touched a dick in church today
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
