Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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