I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
