Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
