So drunk its hurt
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize