he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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