I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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