Don't make out with my wife yet
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
its not stalking. its research.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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