Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
