somebody snuck up and got me drunk
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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