So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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