My room smells like vodka and shame
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize