well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
