I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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