Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
