Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
