did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
i think i just lost a toe
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
