Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
