I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
