You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
