Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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