Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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