my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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