Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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