I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
