the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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