Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
