I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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