he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
