What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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