I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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