Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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