Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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