That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize