you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Randomize
