The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Someone signed my nipple.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
