4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
