she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
