Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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