How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
