I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
