all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize