I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
