I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
